We've got Dr. Lube, which is great.
Coop is still here, he's one of the ones we'd have hoped to lose actually.
StickyBuns is still commenting on his own blogs that nobody else really reads.
Kong is misfiring a couple of cylinders. All is right with the world.
During TT's down time, I looked around. Found a racist site called OuTcHiMp that was covering the Trayvon case. Everyone is racist so I figured I'd fit in.
Not so.
I actually got banned during their registration process. I shit you not.
I assumed that because hate speech was encouraged that all was fair game. Turns out its just another echo chamber of same-ole-same-ole.
Frankly, things are pretty grim out there.
Even the merest whiff that the trackers may or may not be back felt plain WRONG.
When imageboards are the busiest places where you can still troll and raid, something is fundamentally WRONG. Quiet though it is, this place has history and is still a refuge from a politically correct obsessed world.
Now, if everyone will shut the fuck up for a moment, I'll start with a long lost email that was hacked from the dark sewer drain known as Whoredawgs Inbox. Complaining. Not like her I know, but hey...
Dr. LU: This was a real letter, and not something I just nicked off of the internet and posted because I was bored.
TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER, BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE.
FROM: VICTORIA LEDBETTER
DATE: OCTOBER 25, 2001
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts.. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told
her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
on Nyquil and Budweiser and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.
Best,
VIKKI_70
Dallas, GA
