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We throw sticks at dogs, that's the level on which we place dogs. You'd never dream of throwing one for a cat. We throw sticks for dogs, and dogs go, "Oh, he's dropped his stick! I better go and get that. [dog chases after the stick] "Saw you dropped your stick there, thought I'd bring it back." [dog gives the stick back and follows it with eyes as you throw it again] "Did you see me just bring that back? And then you … you dipshit, dropped it again? This is fucked. I don't know what's going on here." [dog brings the stick back again] "Now, hang on to it this time, I don't want to fuck around with you all the time. You think I enjoy this? There you … don't fucking throw .....!" [dog chases after the stick] That's why the third time, when they come back, they won't give it to you. They go, [through clenched teeth] "No … I won't let you try that again!"

Cats, on the other hand, have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they fuck off; that's the deal.

You have no control over your cat! You can't say to your cat, "Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!" Beause the cat's just going to sit there going, "That's bullshit." While you're shouting all this to your cat, your dog's next to you, going … "What the hell are you doing talking to the cat!"


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